ShrinkingWolf

So, I got out there and walked 1.34 miles in 25:34. Average pace was 19:03 min/mile and average speed was 3.2 mph. Maybe now I can get back to sleep. 4 hours of sleep just isn’t enough.

It’s 69F (20.56C) outside and it’s only going to get warmer. I want to walk so I guess now is the best time. Ugh. I’m not a morning person. Why am I up and WANTING to move?

Day Twenty - If you have been on a weight-loss program, what is your favorite? If not, which one would you be on if you could?

Well, I have tried both Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig. I had very good results with Weight Watchers so I’d probably have to say them. Jenny Craig is just too expensive.

While I was showering I was thinking about something. Two years ago I got a gym membership with a trainer. I went every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to workout with him and on the off days I typically still went to swim and do cardio for at least a month. At the same time my best friend, Missy, and her mom had started Weight Watchers. I remember at some point saying to her that if I could afford WW I would probably go and she offered to help me out with the information that she had. I was too embarrassed to tell her my weight so I declined.

Too embarrassed to tell my best friend of almost nine years (at that time) that I weighed 320 lbs. And here I am two years later broadcasting my weigh ins (with scale pics!) to the world, even at my highest weight of 334. Knowing that every post I make will be shared with both Facebook and Twitter so any friends and family that are watching those will see.

This time is different. I have goals, where I didn’t have any two years ago. My only goal was to lose weight. I want to break 300 lbs for my birthday on March 19th, and I won’t be disappointed if I get close but don’t hit it. In two years when my brother gets his Navy wings I want to look good standing there with him in the picture and I feel bad that I didn’t feel like this two years ago so I could have done the same for my other brother last year. In a year I want to look good for my sister’s wedding. I want to ride a horse again when I hit 200 and go skiing when I get below 200. I want to feel good enough about my body that I can actually go to Georgia/South Carolina and visit the wonderful friends that I have had for going on 11 years there, for the first time.

I want to be healthy. I want to be happy. This time is different.

Day Nineteen - Do you still eat fast food? If yes, what do you eat? If not, why don’t you eat fast food?

Yes. I don’t go get fast food on a daily basis like I used to, but occasionally I might get something on my own or with family. The last time I got fast food was on the 16th from Subway, a turkey sandwich. The day before that my dad brought home Chick-fil-a for supper. Feb 5th I got a BMT from Subway. Jan 16th I got a Chipotle Chicken from Schlotzsky’s. So you can see, it does happen, but not often. And when it does I still try to make good choices. 

I decided to take advantage of the 59F (15C) temperature and go walk. It was still humid because of fog though. I went 2.64 miles in 51:19. My average pace was 19:23 min/mile with an average speed of 3.1 mph. Cleo went the first two laps, like usual, and I did two more after her. After dropping her off I managed to maintain a speed of 4.7 mph for about half of that lap. I was shocked. I really wanted to make this a 5K but I was feeling worn out on the last lap so I let that one be the last one. Now to finish drinking these 30 oz of water, hit the shower, then hit the bed.

So, I went to listen to the Cherokee speaker. He was running late so a woman that was there started us off by speaking about herself and her journey to find the truth about her heritage. While she was speaking I knew SHE was the reason I was supposed to be there. I was supposed to hear her story, which hit close to home for me. I still have unanswered questions, but her story has helped me. She is Cherokee/Creek. Here is Barbara speaking.

Here’s Larry speaking.

The Butler Longhorn Museum is having a speaker tonight that is going to talk about the Cherokee Tribe. I’m really looking forward to it. I don’t know much about my heritage so it’s always good when an opportunity like this one comes along. I wish I knew, without a doubt, if Cherokee blood does run in my veins. All I can go by right now is my birthfather said that my birthmother told him she was full blood. So many questions and not enough answers.

Up until 2003 I thought I was just white. I look white so that’s what I put down on everything. In 2003 I find out I’m Blackfoot on my birthfather’s side and Cherokee on my birthmother’s. 2009 I became an honorary member of the Mvskoke (Creek) Tribe thanks to my “brother” and something tells me that is where I belong. 2010 I find out that there might also be Apache on my birthfather’s side. 

Like I said, so many questions and not enough answers.

1. Reject the Diet Mentality Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently. Get angry at the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.

2. Honor Your Hunger Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat. Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant. Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for re-building trust with yourself and food.

3. Make Peace with Food Call a truce, stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing When you finally “give-in” to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.

4. Challenge the Food Police .Scream a loud “NO” to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating under 1000 calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created . The police station is housed deep in your psyche, and its loud speaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments. Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating.

5. Respect Your Fullness Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show that you’re comfortably full. Pause in the middle of a meal or food and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what is your current fullness level?

6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor The Japanese have the wisdom to promote pleasure as one of their goals of healthy living In our fury to be thin and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence—the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting and conducive, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. By providing this experience for yourself, you will find that it takes much less food to decide you’ve had “enough”.

7. Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food Find ways to comfort , nurture, distract, and resolve your issues without using food. Anxiety, loneliness, boredom, anger are emotions we all experience throughout life. Each has its own trigger, and each has its own appeasement. Food won’t fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you into a food hangover. But food won’t solve the problem. If anything, eating for an emotional hunger will only make you feel worse in the long run. You’ll ultimately have to deal with the source of the emotion, as well as the discomfort of overeating.

8. Respect Your Body Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally as futile (and uncomfortable) to have the same expectation with body size. But mostly, respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are. It’s hard to reject the diet mentality if you are unrealistic and overly critical about your body shape.

9. Exercise—Feel the Difference Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm. If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it’s usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.

10 Honor Your Health—Gentle Nutrition Make food choices that honor your health and tastebuds while making you feel well. Remember that you don’t have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters, progress not perfection is what counts.

I haven’t gotten any closer to the shower or bed that is calling my name. Come on Amanda, get up and go. Up. Now. Ugh. Guess I need to move.

Edit: I’m up. Quads, why do you hate me so much?

Day Eighteen - What do you allow yourself to indulge in? Candy, cake, alcohol, etc.? Why did you choose this as your indulgence?

I allow myself to enjoy things that I am craving, but in moderation. There is no one thing that I allow myself. My cravings aren’t that often so I really don’t worry about it. I don’t consider what I am doing a diet, it’s a lifestyle change. It would be horrible to think that for the rest of my life I wouldn’t be able to enjoy things like ice cream, cake, etc. So I have to start with the moderations now. If I deny myself while trying to lose weight then after losing if I eat something sweet I might over do it because it’s been so long. At least that’s my logic. Not to mention saying that you can’t have sweets at all just makes it even harder to do the “diet” part. It’s always made me want those things so much more. The way I’m doing it, I don’t get crazy cravings where I want to over do it. I’m fine with a serving (or two *shakes fist at Cheez-Its* 25 crackers is not enough!) but I don’t do it without thinking about it first.